think happy thoughts..

I needed a really perky happy song, thus here I am in front of the computer so early in the morning. The song I choose? dancing in the moonlight which I know there is many different versions but I love the version by toploader. yes, weird weird me..I need a fag.

P.s. Bought 3 pair of formal shoes. Why did I buy some uncomfortable shoes? because I look good in it.. yup, idiot me.

Lost somewhere

It's been awhile since I type something down here. Can't seems to find time to sit down in front of the computer but its not really a good excuse. Anyway, with another two person to fight using the computer, I'm just pretty bored of trying to get some time online. From the daily checking of the internet, I'm reduced to checking it once or twice in a week. I don't really chat online nowdays as no one is online at night. Sigh, all the people have better social life than I do. tsk tsk..

Its weird when someone comes over and sit down at the mamak table and its a pain in the ass when we have to try to make conversation with someone and the whole ordeal is an uncomfortable one. The main reason why the person comes over was because of one person at the table but then out of courteousy we all have to make small talks. This kind of talk is those that needed to be done on a one to one basis. Ahh, so funny and weird at the same time. Anyway I realise that I lost the adventerous side of mine. Unless it was planned earlier, I wouldn't want to be whisk away into another state in Malaysia and come home at 7am just in time to see aunties and uncles jogging. With just the 3 of us at the mamak table, S was eager to go down to genting for fresh air but I was so beat up from 2 weeks at work, I declined.I haven't pay any visits for a long long time to any night scenes. This is so weird.

Christmas is coming in a weeks time. What are my plans? Serving at the Church Christmas luncheon as I do every christmas.Umm... what else ah?I know I should do something... Oh yeah people, I officially graduated. My results are out and I'm done with all the finance and accounting in TBS.

I know I should not be a lazy bum and try to dress up abit. I know I should learn to make up so that I wont look so washed out. I know I should exercise so that I wouldn't feel so lethargic. I know that I should like find a proper job so that I don't waste my time. I know I should just forgive and forget rather than be a queen bitch. I know I should just forget about my past, move on and don't think of what happened. Regret isn't an option. Its something that I keep buried deep down in me that once in awhile I take a look at it feeling that familiar pain.

32001 is really a breach of privacy. A device that is so reliable unless one left it at home because its like a tracking device. A fucking invasion of one's privacy because I for one, uses it if i think something is going on and somehow, it don't lie about one's whereabouts. Trust is a word. A word which stabs you right on your back where you can't see it coming. Friendster is a place for people to publish about oneself. A place where one can see what's going on about the other person whom you don't really talk to anymore. Of course its subject to updates. Why can't Annie just didn't come into the picture? Shut the fuck up Aileen, just move on. You already did or that's what you so want to believe in. So just keep looking forward. Thats why humans got eyes at the front of the head not the back. Smoke it up, drink it down, work your ass off and don't hyperventilate. Just congratulate him on finding someone better.

I have a pre set notion of what and who I am. There is no grey areas with me. Its either don't get married because there is no divorce. Its either I'm committed or I don't date cause I don't cheat on my boyfriend.

Fuzzy's got me krispy kreme doughnuts from Australia. Not really fresh anymore when I got it. It went into the fridge, I microwave it so that it won't be cold. Its got chocolate smothered on it and another with cream filling inside. It was ok, but I really believe that eating it fresh is better. Nearest place is Australia. Can you believe that while my ex was in Aussie, he thought of another girl? but not his gf? Sigh, life screws you up this way.

At times, I wonder who reads this blog anyway? Nothing amusing here. Just a peek at my thoughts. I'm wounded, I need to lie down now ...

weekend highlights..

This blogger is getting bored. I type so long just so that internet explorer tells me that it has some error... mch.. don't know what error is that. Type so long and then all gone... no back up some more. Alright back to square one as I got nothing much to do.

I cut my shoulder length girlie hair to a short bob. According to my friend it gives me the kiddie look instead of it being a sophisticated hairstyle.. Sigh, its o.k. It will be sophisticated once its grown a bit longer. Now its the time to laugh at my hairstyle plus I'm so lazy to out on wax, or styling cream on my hair. It's o.k, fuzzy says that I look good in anything even without seeing my hair cut. Well, he better be.. or not I don't want to see him :)

A friend of mine is involved in a stupid accident. He knocked into the toll plaza concrete while looking for spare change while turning his steering because the other lane was faster. But the idiotic thing is his sister was sitting beside of him :/ . It resulted in 6 stitches and a bald patch on his head. Its not the first time I heard about this kind of accident. This is the second time..but of course not the same person.

Mamak as usual includes only 3 of us. Was quite surprise that the other two walk in and say hie while heading to another table but then I cant stand saying hie, I turned back hoping to see the clock. No eye contact... Not bothered... At least I was decent. Kinda reminds me of lower secondary school days. Where there was still the I don't friend you kind of thing. Those time in secondary school, when I hated someone I wasn't discreet.. I would show you my middle finger. Come beat me up if you dare sort of thing. Ah whatever. All this group dissolution started when that bitch scolded me "fuck you ..bla bla bla" during MY birthday. MCH... make me angry only. I'm tired of taking you bloody crap.

Alright.. end of the week.. see you next week people :P

rants while on holiday

I've just watched Lake House on dvd. Its wonderfully superb and of course, makes me want to tear. It was a good thing that cK or S didn't tell me how did it end as I was curious when both of them were swapping dvd. Ah, its a good love story. As good as those Meg Ryan's "you've got mail" or "sleepless in seatle". Just wish that love stories has no ending. Yeah, what to do... I love sappy love stories :) especially those with good endings.

Some strange event happen yesterday. The three of us went to mamak and when the other people came, they just waltz past us in mamak and zoom to the other side of the ground. Apparently, they made it clear that they want nothing to do with us. Drew was the poor sould who came over and say hie while the rest was hostile. When I went back and told fuz, his friend said that his wife was complaining that she sent an invitation a week before the the celebration and we ffk them last minute. Ah, well I didnt receive any and S only got it at 9pm while we were on the way to mamak dressed for the mamak in shorts and my volleyball jersey. And because of that, I decline saying its fine if both the others wanted to go. When all of us agreed we weren't game for it... it caused us to be on hostile grounds. We have already receive the

"you rather spend your time in mamak then come out to the uber cool Passion Club, then fine..suit yourself"

Sigh... this is just plain childish. We live in an asian country, thus when we cant come they blame us that we don't give face. This is not about giving face or not giving face because, if they wanted us to come and wanted to make me give face, they would have invited us personally and not go through a spokesperson and hope he made plans on behalf of us. Considering when you guys goes out to mamak and don't call me along, its weird how suddenly on your b'day you think it was important for me to show up. Friends who are grown up would understand when you already made plans to have a date with your boyfriend and not sit in mamak with the rest of the gang and bitch about me saying "when she has a bf, she dump us". Well sm, you did the same thing to us when you were with your bf then. You were inconsiderate when you wanted to make me wait in the car for you when you know it would take another 15minutes before you reach the destination while I offered to pick you up come that 15minutes later. You didn't give face to the b'day girl(me) then by not showing up, while you called her back and screamed at her as you would scream at you dog. And here you are politicizing how you abhor that we didn't give face to your buddy when you were the pioneer to this sort of stuff. Yes, you openly critize me in mamak but the fact that S and cK were too decent to tell me, I'm sure it surely would make me go on a rampant rage. Yes, I had enough of your manipulation because I have this thing in me which I can't help but try to please you at every thing. I suppose, ungratefullness comes into the picture and the end of the day while I am so tired of the manipulation part.

Sigh, so much pent up frustration. I don't care anymore. I'm tired of making excuses to you when I want to spend time with fuzzy. My friends would understand that I would want to spend time with him but you just won't. Yes, its so hard to belive that I spend so little time with him considering he stay so close by. While you love to call me out on a saturday night for a night cap, I have made plans for the weekend and when you call and I decline an invitation, you bitch about it showing your displeasure. Well, Hello..you stay with you hubby seeing him everyday during the weekday while I was at home during the weekday. I'm not a live in gf you see. I believe that dating doesn't necessary mean you have to be a live in gf as there would be more excuses to pick on each other bad habits. Or as my ex bf would say, no space to breath. I'm so grateful that I have two friends who understand me and yes, as cK say "we should find other friends to add unto the existing 3 of us"

On a lighter note, since its just going to be the three of us, its an excuse that we can all have posh dinner celebrating each other's birthday as we all are going to work(sadly, only me) or are already working(the other two) !! yay to that. 20 years of friendship and we are still going strong. Of course, spousal privilledge are extended for the b'day celebration.